Sobriety Navigator: Chronicles of Adult Children of Sex Addicts.
Mom was a sex addict: life was disgusting but never dull.
Someone blurted out in a group therapy session one evening that her mother had a preoccupation with sex and that she was tired of hearing about it. Everyone in the group became dead silent; their mouths dropped and they just looked at her.
Apparently most mothers do not go on about their sex lives with their children. This isn’t the norm. Who knew? At this time, the woman’s mother was on her fourth marriage, to yet another fellow sex addict. Marriages that are formed out of sexual addiction are usually short lived. Once the lust wanes and they have to start dealing with the realities of their lives they get bored real quick and one of them will split. Of course, by the time the divorce comes, they already have another sex addict partner in the background waiting to replace the former one. This time, it will be different.
Because of the sexual addiction that ran rampant in the home environment, she and her siblings never felt safe or comfortable growing up. They weren’t allowed to. Because her mother had a compulsion to seek and win the unobtainable man, she and her siblings were forced to focus almost entirely on assisting and facilitating this quest by being forced to say things and do things they neither wanted to do or say. It was a vain attempt to emotionally blackmail the current object of mother’s lust into submission. “You kids tell him you don’t want him to leave, tell him you love him or, better yet, call him daddy.”
Did you know domestic violence is foreplay to a lot of sex addicts? It’s true. One partner or the other will provoke a fight and become physically violent, only to be able to later go off and have their make-up sex. All while their small children are trying to eat, sleep, do their homework, and watch TV or play.
It was not uncommon for the doors to be partially open, with the kids in the house, when these sexual activities were being held. There wasn’t a shred of discretion. Sex addicts have their own list of false entitlements. The list is never ending since the need for stranger and stranger forms of stimulation is required for their sexual gratification.
Having to witness the constant groping and tongue sucking was bad enough, but to be summoned as small children into the bedroom for a lecture on good behavior, or given a list of chores to perform while the adults were in bed with nothing but a thin sheet on, was the worst.
One evening after falling asleep on the couch, she awoke to find her step dad staring at her and masturbating. She quietly got up and went to her room, laid back down and fell asleep. In the early hours of the morning her step dad came into her room, got down on his knees, shook her awake, and pleaded with her to please not tell her mother. Apparently, enough of the booze he had in him had worn off, along with his false courage. This 6 year old little girl said she wouldn’t tell, and went back to sleep. Sometime later, when she did wake up, she ran to her mother and told her what had happened. In a very authoritative tone, her mother told her to go back to bed and not tell anybody, especially her grandmother. She did as she was told.