ALCOHOLISM, SECRETS & ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT!
Arrested – obstruct, hinder, impede, delay, slow down. (Oxford Dictionary Thesaurus)
Development – growth, evolution, advance, improvement, expansion, spread, progress. (Oxford Dictionary Thesaurus)
Peek-a-boo…where are you. I know you’re in there. I won’t force you to come out if you don’t want to. I feel really bad for you. It is sad you have felt forced to hide from yourself in order to stay safe. But hiding only keeps you ignorant. Ignorant isn’t bliss…!
I remember when I could first look back and see how traumatized “hypnotized” I really was after a few years of abstinence from alcohol and some serious intensive therapy. Who I was and whom I had become to believe I was were really different. I was amazed at how tuned out I had really been. I had continued to see myself as a helpless child but the world saw me as a very strong determined young woman. My ignorance of who I really was confounded me.
“Learned Helplessness” “When people are chronically abused and powerless, they learn how to be abused.” (John Bradshaw Author, Family Secrets) Long after we are grown and have the legal right to claim and live our own lives it is not uncommon to continue to re-create the same environment we grew up in. Seeking the familiar and magnetizing the same types of people whose rule of laws we lived under as children is only natural to our learned helplessness conditioning. Why…? It is predictable. And when you grow up monitoring, regulating and controlling your thoughts actions and reactions in order to protect the family’s dark secret that’s exactly what you feel most comfortable with…predictability. Protecting the family secrets was more important to me than protecting myself.
How many times in my young adult life did I befriend people who bullied, emotionally blackmailed or demanded something from me? The energy and dynamics were no different than those of my older, bigger, stronger abusive siblings. Their natural power over me gave them a false sense of entitlement. Only this time people I was willing or choosing to be friends with I was allowing them power over me. Fostering their false sense of entitlement. I was giving my power away willingly to people I had unwisely befriended or more often than not they had decided I was their friend/hostage. My conditioning of Learned Helplessness was in full affect.
How many times did I enter into abusive work environments where I was expected 110% output and shamed when I wanted to be compensated for it? Instead I would be treated with disdain and resentment for wanting what was rightfully mine. Payment for work rendered. I finally heard myself say one day “I always feel like a step child in my work environments.” No matter how much I contributed it was never enough. Expecting anything in return was selfish of me. These employers resented having to hire and pay people for the work they needed done. Just as the adults resented having to acknowledge any responsibility for children much less act on it. Again this time I was giving my power away willingly. Ignorance is not bliss.